Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Things I REALLY want to say when someone tells me they're pregnant

Becoming pregnant is usually such an exciting time for the expectant parents. Even with my second, when we knew what we were letting ourselves in for (or did we? More on that to follow), we were still so excited.

But of course it's worth it!!
And then you post your scan on Facebook or something (our chosen method of sharing the news) and you get a hundred people saying "Congratulations!" and "So happy and excited for you!". And then you have the baby and people say "It's the best job in the world" and, my personal favourite, "Enjoy every second!"

And it sort of lulls you into a false sense of security that this is going to be the most magical, wonderful experience of your life. Which of course it is. But not every second. Not every second of every minute of every hour of every day can you possibly feel happy, excited and be enjoying it. So this is what I'd really love to say when people tell me they're pregnant:

  • Congratulations! It's so wonderful being a mummy. And sometimes a bit shit.
  • It's ok if sometimes you want to go to work just to have a break. We've all been there (not physically there at your workplace. There emotionally).
  • I'm so happy for you! And so pleased that it's you and not me going through morning sickness and swollen ankles.
  • Some days you will cry. A lot. You are normal.
  • It's the best job in the world. And the hardest. Especially when it's your first and you've had no training. It's ok to ask for help.
  • You wont enjoy every second. If you do, you're crackers or I've been doing it all wrong. Because who enjoys sleep deprivation? Yes, there may be bonuses to being woken up repeatedly in the night, like the cuddles. But you wont enjoy feeling so tired you could spend all day crying into your coffee.
  • Breastfeeding is tough. Physically and emotionally it is so demanding. You will want to give up when you spend an hour and half feeding your baby, for them to want feeding 45 minutes later. You will want to reach for a bottle when you've just got in the bath and the baby starts screaming and you're the only one who can feed him. You will want to throw in the towel when all your friends are at the pub and you can't go because your baby, at 8 months old, wont take a bottle and so it's your sole responsibility to put him to bed. And if you give up, reach for a bottle and throw in the towel (like I did after a couple of months with my first, and one month with my second), that's ok. You have not failed. You are feeding your baby and preserving your own emotional and physical well being.
  • Labour hurts. People who say "you forget the pain immediately afterwards" are either lying or............no they're lying. It's worth it, of course. You have a baby so of course it's worth it. But you'll feel the pain for a little longer than 'immediately afterwards'. Like every time you use the toilet. For at least a month.
  • Congratulations on your second! I know you think you know it all, you'll do everything the same, you're all prepared. FYI you don't, you wont and you're not.
I really wish someone had told me the last one. I was a bit of a cocky sod, I'll admit, because I thought, "I've done this before, it was fine, we'll do things the same." Then I had my second baby and it turns out he's a different child! So 'the same' things don't work. And I also forgot that my eldest would keep on growing and would still need supporting through developmental leaps and stages. Having one is a piece of cake compared to having two in my opinion!

But of course the thing no one tells you, probably because they can't even begin to put it into words, is that you'll feel love like you've never experienced in your life. Especially the first time they sleep through the night ;)
The Little Life of Ickle Pickle
Mums' Days
Binky Linky

17 comments:

  1. These sound much more accurate than the general platitudes people roll out! Great post :) #myfavouritepost
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I should probably add "you'll feel love like you've never known" or something to that effect!

      Delete
  2. Thing is, you can't actually say all that as people just think you're raining on their parade ... Their parenting journey is going to be glorious and perfect and um ... Yeah, good luck with that! ;) Love this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I'd never actually say these things to someone's face. And it IS wonderful. So you don't want to scare them before they've even got to delivery!

      Delete
  3. hahaha this is so accurate. I was definitely lulled into a false sense of security. You just can't bring yourself to tell someone what it's really like can you. What a brilliant post. x #thelist

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was so naive! Even with my second!

      Delete
  4. I'm currently torn between wanting a second baby because "I'll know what I'm doing" and not wanting one for the exact reasons you've listed above! Great post, especially the boys about breastfeeding! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah no one mentions how tough breastfeeding is - just how it's the best thing ever. Try telling my nipples that!

      Delete
  5. Such wonderful advice, they should print this out at the hospital and give it to all new mums! Thanks for linking up to #TheLIst x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha thanks. Though they'd look at their gorgeous little bundle and probably think it was all lies!

      Delete
  6. Great list - so true. Yea I agree people who say they "forget" labor pain must be lying. I wonder how people agree to have additional children... and whether I will heh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha - I still went for another and he's still worth it a million times over. I'm just glad we're not planning anymore!

      Delete
  7. Heh uh oh. We are having our second in 10 days!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe you'll take it in your stride better than me :) xx it's still more than worth it!

      Delete
  8. Fantastic advice thanks for linking to the binkylinky

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love this! Great advice! Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

    ReplyDelete
  10. Brilliant! The first point made me laugh -
    *Congratulations! It's so wonderful being a mummy. And sometimes a bit shit.*
    I had my second little man 9 months ago so I totally get this :) x
    #BinkyLinky

    ReplyDelete